12 Lessons Learned In My First Year of Marriage
I got married April 2019 and left my comfort zone (being at home with my sisters). I moved to a new home, a new job, new set of responsibilities, unexplained pressure and a marriage to navigate.
12 months later my lessons:
1. At the top of my list, submission is extremely difficult. Where do I begin, it is just difficult, It is even more difficult when you are used to having things your way. I also did not understand the meaning of submission. I thought to be submissive meant my opinion will not be heard and I have to stand in the background.
2. I have an extra person to consider. For the last 20 years of my life, I use two steps to make a decision. One: Will it embarrass my Nigeria parents? Two: Will I be doing good or evil? now I have an extra step Three: my husband.
3. I learnt to not raise my voice during an argument. I discovered this by mistake. During an argument I wanted to win so badly I decided to try emotional blackmail.
Facial Impression ✔
Puppy Voice ✔
It turns out I was not on a battlefield. I had no battle to win on that day but I learnt a massive lesson that changed my entire argument game.
4. Constantly setting expectation leads to disappointment. It is too much pressure to put on one another. To be honest life is much better without expectations.
5. Silent fight is a real thing. It is real and can happen at any time of the day just ride the wave. It’s probably something little and not worth a sit down, we are all allowed to have occasional mood swings. Eventually understanding will show up.
“Communication is truly gold”
6. Communication is truly gold. I know we have heard it so many times but it will not hurt to hear it one more time “Communication is gold”. It did not take me long to realise I have a communication issue, I am actively working on a solution: if I need to describe anything I construct my sentences, use visual aids to illustrate my point.
7. It is ok to have alone time. Being married does not mean tied to the hip of another. Self care is essential for me to be the best version of myself. Take a walk, hot bath, read a book refresh my body spirit and mind.
8. I learnt going to bed angry will not end my marriage. The first night I found myself ready for bed and I was still angry I was terrified. I could not close my eyes. I imagined packing my bags to head to my fathers house crack of dawn. Well Well the morning came and everything was fine, my marriage was still standing.
9. The power of a gentle reply, it saves a whole lot of drama. Proverbs 15:1 a gentle answer deflects anger but harsh words make temper flare. This Bible verse is saved on my phone.
10. Discussing finance is not a death sentence. It is possible to talk about money peacefully. One of the best decisions we made was to discuss finances at a very early stage. I know what I am responsible for and I do as I please with the rest of my income.
11. It is ok to yield and surrender all concerns to God. I learnt the more I try to force and drive my point the more resistance I receive. Some things require divine intervention.
12. Marriage is an ongoing journey. Everyday I wake up I need to make a conscious effort to be the best version of myself.